Back to the infinite wisdom of God. He gave me a girl. I am not sure why HE thought I could handle this, or how He thinks I will emerge after 18 years with all of my sanity (and maybe that's not His plan at all). Nonetheless, He gave me a girl. Not just any girl! Nope because He has unexplained, never to be understood reasoning and knowledge about my level of tolerance that I am not privy to. This girl is gorgeous with huge brown eyes that daddy shared with her, long eyelashes (also thanks to daddy), a creative imagination that blows me off my feet, and a red-button connection with her CREATOR that this mom stands in awe of...AND EMOTIONS (which are 150% derived from the genetic swimming pool of her mother). This being said, I have no idea why He picked me to steward His girl. Her daddy has a way with her that is like a warm knife cutting through butter. She ADORES him and the feelings are mutual. I can watch him talk her into wearing tennis shoes for gym day before she even knows what has happened; while green envious smoke starts shooting from my ears. Just moments before there was a five star fit with me about combing her hair (I'm not talking about 'let mommy make it adorably cute with curls, and braids, and a big giant bow on top' combing), literally just combing the hair no accessories involved...nope, just a combing. This five star fit is complete with shaking, screaming, flinging the head back and forth in an effort to give me "hair-combing" target practice; and I still have to tell her she has to brush her teeth....CALGON take me AWAY.
Somewhere during the combing fit, teeth brushing, and the tennis shoe bliss we are 4 minutes late. FOUR! So don't get all, "seriously, Summer it's four minutes" on me. You know what happens when you are FOUR minutes behind schedule at the exit ramp to school...instead of being number 2 to turn left across two lanes of traffic you are automatically number 4,325! That's right and then there's the line to wait for the nice police officer who risks his life every morning in crazy school traffic to tell me I can turn into the school. Said line is now stretching back over the over pass when FOUR minutes earlier I could have been the next in line. AND don't even get me started on the line that actually leads to the drop off doors of the school....seriously!!
FOUR minutes earlier she would have already been walking in the doors on her way to her class where she would be putting away her Hello Kitty backpack, sitting nicely at her desk with a coloring page ready to start her day...
FOUR minutes later, she is walking in the doors on her way to her class where she will be putting away her Hello Kitty book bag and sitting nicely at her desk with a coloring page ready to start her day.
Well, okay so FOUR minutes doesn't make a hill of beans difference, but the point is to a mom who has had an EMOTIONALLY charged morning..you better believe that it does! I am sitting in that car in that line wondering how many times I could actually bang my head against a wall before I was out cold, and begging Jesus to teach me how to be her mom because I am clueless. I can feel tears stinging my eyes (you remember the percentage of emotions my girl got from me don't you) the grip on the steering wheel is getting tighter as I replay all the events of the morning~every last star in the five star fit....and I have labeled yet another morning with this girl as a Mommy-Fail. She sees my ugly face more than she see my loving one, and she sees selfishness more than she see Jesus shining through her mama sometimes.
And then as we are in the line waiting to approach the doors to her school, you know that one where FOUR minutes didn't really matter. This gorgeous girl, unfastens her seat belt, leans forward from the back seat with elbows on the armrest, looking at me with those daddy-inspired brown eyes and says "Mommy, I can't wait for tomorrow, it's P.J. day in my class".
REALLY? Just like that, when I took the 10+ minutes of driving time from home to school to let my emotions infuriate me more (and just when I was about to give the MOMMY is in charge speech) this girl, the one HE GAVE ME is over it and not only over it, but over it with a heart exploding with the excitement of wearing pj's to school tomorrow!
Immediately, I have peace. Peace that Jesus gave her to speak to me. A permission to "just get over it". She gave me grace in the way she called me "Mommy" with a sweetness in her voice and the way she wanted to share with me the most exciting thing in her little 5 year old life~It's p.j. day at school tomorrow....
I won't admit that my mind is already orchestrating tomorrow mornings combing event as I try to convince her that wearing PJ's to school doesn't really mean you can also sport the bed-head hair do. I will admit that asking the question, 'What in the world just happened?' was one of the best ones I could have asked myself. I still don't know what HE was thinking when He gave me a girl, but he surely knew I needed her.