Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Space I Fill

I am posing a big question to myself this week.  WHO AM I?  I think, at times, others could answer this question about me much more accurately than I.  I am certain that God holds the answer so safe in his grasp that the only way I can know it is to seek after him.  Even knowing that truth keeps me in wonder.  I strive so hard to make up a me that exist only in fairy tales (in which my hubby would testify I hold a permanent address).  I want to be everyone to everybody, doesn't that make sense?  To me, it's the only way to please the masses.  But, wait a minute.  Why have I decided it is my job to please the masses?  If I remember correctly, we are supposed to REACH the masses with God's truth~there's nothing written that says we should PLEASE the masses.  I know that if I stick to this thought I will never truly discover who I am in CHRIST! 

I am the same as a lot of you!  I am the resident maid, chef (although not a very good one), chauffeur, doctor, storyteller, launderer, grocery shopper, playmate, and the list goes on and on, doesn't it?  I enjoy all the spaces I fill in a typical day, but at times would trade off a few to break up the cycle, just like any of you.  Sadly, these spaces I fill begin to define me.  Because, seriously if I didn't do them then who would, right??  Newsflash, fellow SAHM's (Stay At Home Moms) we were not simply created for cleaning dirty toilets and folding underwear!  We have people to impact!!  Now, yes I do think it's impactful to clean dirty toilets and it would impact my little family if they didn't have any clean underwear, but being defined by these love chores isn't all there is! 

If I'm being honest I would say that my daily duties have been defining me as of late.  And in turn those very spaces I "must" fill in a day are blinding me from who I really am in Christ!  The "things" and the "tasks" become so important that they begin to crowd out the "truths" and the "teachings".  So while I haven't discovered the answer to my question, WHO AM I?  I have discovered that the spaces I fill are the very spaces that leave me feeling empty and prevent me from understanding all that God desires me to be.  So I will seek the one who can pour out more wisdom, knowledge, and blessings than my cup can hold!  And perhaps the spaces that I fill will be filled with more than just dirty toilets and underwear!

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.  Do not forsake the work of your hands.  Psalm 138:8

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