Happily Ever After in.....KENTUCKY??!!??

Well this has been a week, folks!!!  I was getting super excited to begin teaching pilates and kickboxing again at the local YMCA!  I was supposed to start today~except I'm not.  My hubby had submitted to be willing to God's offer of going to Africa in February on a mission with our church~except the door was shut.  Hallie was twirling and tapping her way to her very first dance recital in May~except she won't be going.  Parker was counting the days until he could play soccer again in the Spring~except the Strikers will be striking without him.  I realize this all sounds very over dramatic and it is intended to!  What you were just privilegded to read was the small temper tantrum of an almost 34-year old mature woman!  And now I'm done and I feel better.....


So a week ago today my darling husband called to tell me that he believed very much that we would be moving......to KENTUCKY.......the first week of.........JANUARY.  If you know our family or have read any of my blogs you know that we moved to Ohio from Indiana nearly 3 years ago for an 18 month "temporary" venture.  Well after 2 yrs we had just thrown up our hands, moved out of our apartment and into a rental home just this past May in order to "live where we live".  We were settling in~for the long haul.  Clearly, our timing and God's timing are not exactly the same.  I say 'long haul' (meaning a couple of years), HE hears 'long haul' (meaning 6 months).  So in the last week, I have played over the several moving opportunities we have heard about in the almost 3 years of being in Ohio, that didn't play out.  Let's see, there was Lincoln, Nebraska, Fresno, California, Boston, Massachusetts, Witchita, Kansas, and Highland, Illinois.  Each time I of course, like any supportive wife would, went straight to Google to research schools, homes, churches, climate, and of course driving distance from our extended families.  Each of those 'opportunites' were removed leaving us even more determined to just bloom where we had been planted.  But this time was different.


I saw a certainty in my lovie that told me, "this is for real~get to Goggling".  Once we were face to face to talk about this we both had the most amazing peace~you know the kind~it's as if your entire being sighs and you just know it's supposed to happen exactly as it unfolds.  So instead of resistance and dread of moving our kids in the middle of the school year, or the always pleasant church shopping, or having your house be full of strange men touching EVERYTHING (i'm kind of a germ-a-phobe) we are willing to accept WHATEVER, WHENEVER, WHEREVER!  


 Two years ago, we would not have been ready for this.  God allowed the opportunities, and shut the doors in order to better mold us and shape us both into who HE wanted us to be before leaving Ohio.  I'm convinced he brought us to Ohio for that purpose alone.  Now, let me just say that we are no where near our full potential in God's eyes, but we are so much more willing to be molded than if He has left us to ourselves in Indiana.  I know it doesn't have to be that way for everyone, some people can live in the same place forever and still be willing to be molded~but not the SISNEY'S!  He needed to isolate us and remove our comfort zone in order for us to become completely dependent on HIM.


And, I wouldn't change one part of the process even if I could.  Ohio has been the most amazing journey for our family!  We met some amazing people, learned so much about ourselves, and grew spiritually in ways I never thought possible.  So the temper tantrum you experienced is just my fleshy human response to the obvious~things change.  It's normally not pleasant, or anticipated, or desired, but it happens.  I am overwhelmed when I think about how much more God has to teach and show our family.  I expect Him to blow us away and it is already so obvious that HE is driving this ship~now if I can just remember to keep my hands off the wheel~we should all be just fine!


When I graduated from high school and RAN out of Kentucky, I never thought my Happily Ever After would bring me back there.  Thankfully though, we get to experience a city that neither of us ever would on our own accord.  Lexington, KY here come the Sisney's!  

Stirrin' the Pot and Pushin' the Plow

Today I am breathing.  I am breathing because God allows it.  Have you ever just sat and listened to yourself breath.......in........out.......in.......out?  It can be quite intimate when you put it into perspective with: 

Acts 17:28~For in Him we live and move and exist.  

We live because He created us, We move because he deems it so, We exist because he continues to sustain us~by design.  Not because we deserve it, not because we have earned it, and most certainly not because He has to.  HE desires to.  HE desires us.

Today I sit and I am breathing with a desire to be full of HIM, to not stand up unless He purposes me to do so.  For me this is how I lay myself at HIS feet.  Less of me, More of you, Lord.  Breath in YOU, Breath out ME.  Sometimes I have to come to these moments of simplicity to submit to God's stirring of the pot and to surrender my pushing of the plow.  

Let me just define these phrases according to the highly esteemed Sisney Family Reference.

"Stirrin' the Pot"~ a phrase used when the Spirit within is churning and bringing to realization the unavoidable purposes and plans the Lord God has predestined in our lives.

"Pushin' the Plow" ~ a phrase intended to express our fleshly abilities to "handle it" or "make it happen" because if it's something we desire, it MUST also be what God desires for us (or so we mistakenly believe at times).

And I am there at the corner of "Pushin' the Plow" and "Stirrin' the Pot".  I pause.  I breath.  I am reminded:

Proverbs 19:21 ~ You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail.

I think I'll save myself the sprained ankles, broken spirit, and calloused heart that "Pushin' the Plow" can bring.   Instead, I will submit to the stirring and stand in awe of what my God will bring to the surface.

And I will continue breathing......because He is my air.

Peace and Passion

I wanted to badly to get these journal entries blogged immediately after returning from Africa, but guess what??  Life moved back in and robbed my time.  I am bitter about that because I have allowed it.  I am frustrated by that because it makes me want to retreat from all things, but how can God use me if I'm a home-bound hermit??  It is what it is and here is the "rest of the story" 


Day 12~It's starting to wind down.


Today was so peaceful.  This morning I was able to just stand out back of our cabin and look over the city of Zomba down below.  What a breath taking view and that's what I did~ I just breathed.  I prayed that god would not allow me to return home unchanged and for the amazing opportunities to see his hand.  I was invited to attend a teen girls seminar this morning about Etiquette at the Ku Chawe Hotel (Sunbird).  The hotel was beautiful, it's just a little farther up the mountain than our cabins.  I would definitely stay there for vacation, the food smelled delicious, the rooms seems so nice, and the views were unbelievable.  


Omega and Misse (from the Passion Center staff) gave a talk to the girls about Etiquette, not just how we outwardly present and handle ourselves, but also about how we inwardly reveal our beauty.  The one thing that just sizzled on my heart was when Omega told the girls they were "expensive" and not to cheapen themselves for anything or anyone.  After all, they are daughters of THE KING.  I can't wait to start teaching that to Hallie!  In the afternoon I went down to the Passion Center hoping to play with Kalipo and Phalles, but they weren't around.  However, God never disappoints because as soon as we showed up other children quickly joined us in playing with the Parachute...it was such fun!  


Team Time was amazing tonight.  First of all it was Joni's birthday (Chris' was the day before and since they are THE LOVIES we celebrated together!) so we got to have brownies...HOORAY!!  But we also sang Sweetly Broken one last time and it was such a precious moment for me.  "For on it my Savior, both bruised and crushed showed that God is love and God is just"  This is my favorite line because no matter what I have seen or experienced here in Malawi or what I want to change about the trials in the lives of the people here, I can have faith that God is LOVE and God is JUST even here in Zomba, Malawi.


Day 13~THE GOODBYES


It's bittersweet and I can honestly say THE most amazing experience of my life. This morning I went down to the Passion Center in the earliest leaving Pajero I could squeeze into.  When we arrived we took our last walk down to the Multipurpose Room and I silently prayed that God would allow me to love on Phalles and Kalipo one last time.  Oh boy did He provide!  As my head popped over the hedges I heard, "SUMMA, SUMMA!"  and there stood my Phalles arms open wide ready to run toward me for her hug!  Remember this is the same child who would barely make eye contact with me on Day 1.  What a precious child.  We played most of the morning and then I wanted to take her aside to explain that I had to go back to America tomorrow.  I couldn't even get a word out before she became so excited talking to me in Chechewan, pointing to herself and to the villages in the distance.  I, of course, couldn't understand her, so thankfully Fatsani, one of the interns from the Passion Center was close by and was able to translate for me.  Here's what she said, "I am so happy that you are here and I want you to come to my house."  I was thrilled and overwhelmed.  Fatsani walked with us (as navigation/direction is not my strong suit).  I held Phalles' hand as she practically pulled me through the village paths to her village.  I was able to meet her mother, who is so beautiful, and as soon as I arrived they hurried to get me a mat to sit on so I wouldn't get dirty by sitting on the ground.  Fatsani translated and this American mother, who loves her own children deperately, talked to this Malawian mother who is desperately trying to provide for her own child.  It was AWESOME!  I was so humbled to be accepted so willingly.  I mean a stranger shows up unexpected and instead of thinking 'oh my hair is a mess, or I haven't cleaned the house' Elina rushes to bring me a mat to sit on!  I could learn so much for this gorgeous lady.  Through Fatsani, I was able to ask Elina about specific prayer request, her health, Phalles, and her salvation.  I promised her that I would pray for her as requested and I learned that she had been saved in Dec. 2008~what a Blessing!  We took some pictures, we prayed and I encouraged her Mom 2 Mom.  I can't tell you how sweet this was, I am still so overwhelmed.


On our walk back, Fatsani also pointed out that Kalipo lived in the same village and we called his name to see if he was home.  After calling a few times, Fatsani asked if I would recognize him and I said on yes~I can't forget that smile!  Before long here comes my Kalipo beaming from ear to ear down his village road.  The funny thing was that after chatting both Phalles and Kalipo wanted to clean up before coming to play with me.  Fatsani and I headed back to the Passion soccer field and before long my sweets joined me.  Kalipo, his friends, and I played a little extreme Frisbee and Phalles had fun taking pictures.  After a bit I took Kalipo aside because I wanted to share a few things with him.  I told him I was leaving and I encouraged him to choose good friends and to live for God.  He said he understood but he never spoke English to me during my visit, so I trust that he heard me.  I told him that he would always be a piece of my heart and that I would pray daily for him.  I also let him know I would write and send pictures.  It was tough leaving them but I didn't want to cry in front of them.  I wanted them to remember smiles!  


Later on we gathered at The Rock for a group picture and before we parted for good I hugged them and blew them a kiss (which was precious~all Kalipos friends erupted in adolescent laughter punching him on the arm)  I redeemed him and went back for a much cooler love filled knuckle bump :~).  Phalles was just adorable and hugged and blew kisses over and over.  


I've said it before but a portion of my heart is shaped a little like Malawi now.  As we walked down the hill I kept looking back to that rock where the kids remained and I couldn't believe God chose me to be on this trip.  And to experience his Love and his Glory through a place called the Passion Center in Zomba, Malawi.


Tionana Zomba!!  (see you later, Zomba)

One Last Squeeze!

LOVE

Safari Day~Jeremiah 1:5-7

Day 11~Safari Day

Today was Safari Day!  We loaded on a huge bus with 28 of our team and Passion Center Staff, drove 3 hours to the National Park of Muvuu.  The first part of the land safari was uneventful except for a small herd of elephant crossing the road in front of us.  We had to stop our bus momentarily to allow the very small group of very large animals as much space as they needed.  The water safari was much more adventurous.  When we arrived and I saw the boats, which looked like they were straight out of the movie African Queen, I began to panic and actually considered backing out.  Remembering my promise to not let fear control me I figured I could not come all the way to Africa and not go on a real safari!  So on the boat I went!  It was beautiful.  I couldn't believe all the hippos and crocodiles lining the shore and how eerily they slipped into the water precisely as our boats approached.  We even had an up close and personal view of an elephant!  So glad I didn't allow fear to join me on that boat, I would have missed out on so much.

On the way back to Zomba, we came upon a village protest of the government concerning the fuel shortages.  It was a very tense moment, but God was all over it from the beginning.  Ahead of us we saw what appeared to be a fire in the road, after a few minutes we realized the fire was moving.  We found out later that it was moving because it was a large group of citizens holding torches.  Our driver stopped the bus and was approached by a few locals who told him what was going on and apparently that he should hide the bus for our safety.  While he was talking I noticed a little white Corolla with two military men inside and a little dirt path that presumably led to a village.  Our bus backed up and preceded to drive down this little dirt path into the village.  We went pretty far back into the brush and parked our very large 28 passenger bus in the front dirt patch (otherwise known as a yard here in the States) of some very unassuming although welcoming villagers.  The military men in the Corolla had led us back and we all sat very still and very quiet, praying....praying....praying.  We could smell the smoke from the torches and hear the yelling from the crowd.  I was sad for the people, I was scared of the circumstance, and I thought a lot about my lovies.  I saw God's hand, in the 2 military men that just "happened" to be available to escort us, on the village path that just "happened" to be right where we stopped offering a hiding place, and on our bus full of people who were standing in the gap, praying for God's will.  Just that morning I had spent time reading and praying on Jeremiah 1:5-7:

 "Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.  Don't say I'm too young; for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you and don't be afraid of the people for I will be with you and protect you.

My strong suit is not scripture memorization, but I am never short of amazed when God chooses to remind me of something I never thought I would remember.  I spent so much time reading that verse and hoping I could pull from it in the right situation~the problem was all the "I's"  God doesn't NEED me to make sure HIS will prevails~He will provide in ALL circumstances. 

We weren't in hiding more than a half hour before our bus was met at the main road by a truck full of fully armored military police ready to escort us all the way up the plateau.  Our bus erupted in cheers and the officers were so kind approaching our driver saying in broken English "No worries, you are safe, no worries."  Even in the most sour situations God will provide moments of sweetness.  It's up to us on which ones we choose to focus.

This is the most perfect African Safari Photo!

Mulungu Ndi Wabwino Nathawi Zonse

My last blog marked the end of the first week, but by no means the end of this adventure~this week's entries are sure to make me smile and cry as I relive the memories of Malawi!  Enjoy!




Day 9~Vacation Bible School & Youth Rally


Vacation Bible School was this morning and I was asked to teach the craft to the younger aged kids and it was great!  There were 3 different classes, each progressing in age a year or so.  So there were five of us selected to explain the craft, Brenda, Ashley, Kris, Kim, and myself.  Praise the Lord for our awesome translator, Carol as we would not have survived without her!  So we walk into the first class room where all the little tinies were seated on the floor.  I look in the front row and there was my sweet Phalles smiling from ear to ear, I haven't seen her light up like that all week!  We taught them Genesis 1:1 and helped them make a spinning wheel describing the days of creation.  They caught on very quickly and overall all three classes went well.  I was sad when it was over.  There was something so powerful about two different cultures (ours and theirs) coming together on the very first verse of the bible to remind us that we ALL have the SAME Creator!  


After lunch I was looking around in the Passion Center Office and saw "God is Good All the Time" written in Chichewa on a dry erase board.  I wrote it down in this journal in hopes of writing it on my heart:  Mulungu ndi wabwino nathawi zonse


In the afternoon I was able to go to the Youth Rally at the Botanical Gardens where Abusa Mark gave the message.  He rocked it!  I wrote down everything he said so that I could send it to Kalipo in a letter, it was that important!  He spoke on Purity and Choosing the Right Friends.  After his talk we broke up into small groups with the girls and boys separately.  Our charge was to encourage them to open up about what they had heard Pastor Mark speak on.  It was like pulling teeth to get those girls to talk!  Janessa and Missy were fantastic at getting on their level and were able to establish a safe place for the girls to share anything they'd like.  It was a special moment to encourage the girls to stand firm on the truth!


Day 10~ More VBS and Vision Clinic


Another round of VBS this morning.  The first session was crazy!!  There were 150 tinies trying to string tiny beads on a tiny string~it quickly became chaotic but we did the best we could.  The next two classes were much better, Ashley took the lead this time and explained it much better than I had in the first class, Praise the Lord!  The little ones just wanted to eat the beads and store them in their pockets for later.  Again, I was able to see Phalles and Kalipo in the classes!  At the end we handed out little goodie bags and their faces lit up~so excited to get their sweeties!  After it was over all the kids gathered in the school yard to receive juice and a snack, but it was very chaotic with all the kids!  For a moment I just stood on top of an old tree stump and just scanned the crowd thinking how awesome God was to allow me on the trip.  I had given Phalles a hug and said, "Tionana", see you later as I always do, but I couldn't find Kalipo.  We had gotten separated in the confusion of the crowd and I was bummed to leave without saying goodbye.  I waited for a bit but decided to head back down the hill on my own.  I had gotten to the bottom of the hill and was about to cross the bridge, and I felt the Holy Spirit saying, "Turn Around". So I did.  As I came to the top of the hill, there was my Kalipo standing on the same tree stump I had been on earlier and he was waiting for me.  I joked with him about not saying goodbye and we both left smiling.  Mulugu Ndi Wabwino Nathawi Zonse


The day ended with the Vision Clinic and it was awesome (i really do say this all the time, don't i?)  I got to help and it was such a blessing to see the excitement when these people could see for the first time in who knows how long.  God gave Brenda this "vision" and it was wonderful to see it come to life.  There were two "examining rooms" that were made up of three chairs and 1 table on the concrete slab that would eventually be a carport.  Two "eye charts" that were actually two of our team members (the patients were asked could they see our faces for distance screening or could they read a card for reading glass screening). At the very back of the "office" were three suitcases loaded with glasses and three team members fitting the patients.  It was the most beautiful optometrist office in the world at that moment! 


There was one sweet lady who was the sole guardian to 6 children and while she was waiting for her turn she said, "I love you so much for being here."  She was absolutely precious!  After she had been examined and walked out wearing her new glasses she said, "I still love you."  The Malawian people are beautiful and their joy is so raw, so simplistic, and so pure.  O how I long for just that.  And to that sweet little lady, "I love you too for just being here...."

Relaxing with the girls at the botanical gardens

Kalipo and friends at VBS

Phalles with her VBS craft

Optometry Office #1~Kara/Fatsani

Optometry Office #2 Brenda/Joseph
Eye charts Jessica/Kris
Fitting Lab in the distance

Week 1~ Comes to a Close

It continues to be a blessing to relive these days through the rewriting of them!  Below are exact entries from my journal for Days 5-8


Days 5-7


So I have fallen a bit behind in my journals~I'll try to catch up!  Friday and Saturday were the Sports Bonanza.  The Passion Center has a team in the Futbol (Soccer) Division for boys and the Netball (Basketball) Division for girls.  The soccer boys didn't fair too well, but gave a great effort two days in a row.  It was so fun to watch.  They kick the ball so high and don't play with the ball on the ground as we do in the States.  I was amazed that several of them played with one or no shoes.  The Passion Netball team won the Championship!!  It was pretty cool.  I watched a little bit of it and realized I had no idea what they were doing and moved back over to the soccer field.  It held more of my interest for two reasons.  1) My sweet Parker enjoys playing soccer at home so much and it made me feel a bit more connected with him despite the distance.  2) My sweet Kalipo enjoys playing soccer in Malawi so much and it made me feel a bit more connected with him despite the distance.  I am telling you being with Kalipo was like being with Parker + 6 years!  God is incredible!


Kalipo and Phalles show up everywhere I am and I love it!  Kalipo is so well mannered and has immediately taken on the role of my protector.  If any other kids begin to overtake me he is quick to have them move back.  While sitting at the soccer game he would clear out anyone who sat in my line of sight.  He really enjoys playing Frisbee and is already trying to make it arch way out and come directly to me.  He can sing and loves to dance.  I truly believe My Parker and My Kalipo are different flowers from the same garden.  


Phalles was so quiet and shy when I met her.  She wouldn't reciprocate any emotions to me (not at all surprising or even expected) and now she is a big ball of excitement when she sees me.  Holding my hands and wanting to wear my sunglasses all the time.  I had a rip in my skirt and in her resourcefulness she noticed it and tied it together to "repair" the tear and it was really quite cute!  Her smile is so welcoming and her eyes tell such a story.  What a precious child.


The sun was hot these two days, the days were long, and the kids were many.  Last night my body shut down and I felt drained of life~like never before.  I've been worn out and even exhausted, but not like this.  This was complete fatigue.  Sweet Nurse Brenda made me go to bed @7 p.m. and I rested very well.  So thankful for the prayers from my team and family back home.  I woke up on Sunday feeling 90% better!  


Day 8~


Wow one week today!  Pastor Eric put it this way:  We have packed 25lbs into a 5lb bag so far on this trip.  It's been an amazing first week.  I am excited for the second, but also bummed that it will be over at the end of it.  


Today we split into groups and went to several of the village churches.  I attended Pastor Lawrence Mandwalla's Church and Chris Weaver gave the message.  Chris was fantastic  We all got to share our testimonies along with members of the congregations and a youth group came a long way to sing!  I was amazed, they were wonderful.  One moment that was so sweet for me was seeing the Pastors 3 year old daughter approach him at the pulpit with her little hand extended wanting daddy to give her money to put in the offering plate.  It just reminded me of my children of course, but it was another board in the bridge from Ohio to Malawi.  Little girls need their daddy's and that outstretched hand starts early and continues late, doesn't it?  Praise the Lord that our Heavenly Father can give beyond what we can even imagine.   There was nothing but praise and celebration for our Savior in that one room church.


Two other things happened today.  A girl from the Passion Center was buried today.  We had heard that she may have had Malaria, but someone else said she may have had a brain tumor.  Either way it's a harsh reminder of how much death is a part of this culture.  There's a purpose in the way God's plan is orchestrated here in Malawi, but it seems so hard to understand.


Also, precious Linda, a little 4 year old girl who lives at the Passion Center was taken to Blantyre Hospital for another operation to regain use of two more fingers on one of her hands.  A little background:  Linda had taken a radish when she lived with her grandmother a year or so ago because she was hungry.  Her grandmother practiced witchcraft and punished Linda by holding her little hands over an open fire.  When she was brought to the Passion Center (as you could imagine) she was broken and bruised, very distrusting, and filled with sadness.  Through the love of the staff at the Passion Center, serious prayers from those in Malawi and America, and doctors in Blantyre she is smiling, loving Jesus and regaining use of her hands.   We lifted her up at team time tonight for peace, and comfort and quick healing.


Well, that's catches us up to tonight (Sunday evening).  Tomorrow is Vacation Bible School.  There should be between 150-700 kids.  The real number is a surprise!  I also have a chance to attend a Youth Rally where Pastor Mark will be giving a message on Purity.  I pray that God gives me boldness and confidence in the Word.  I was so glad to talk to my sweets tonight!  I miss those sweet voices~And I so miss my Lovie....I can't wait to tell you guys everything!

Phalles in my glasses

Church on Sunday

Outside of Church

Abusa Lawrence Mandwalla and our Team (that's his sweet little girl)

This is a video of Kalipo dancing with his friends at the Sports Bonanza, he's in the khaki shorts and t shirt.  I think this is so fun~I wish I could share it with him he would think it was so cool to see himself!

Raw Emotions

Tough to rewrite this one today...i knew it was coming so I have procrastinated a bit.  Anyway, here's the next page of the story!


Day 4~Widow and Hospital Visit

My goodness we have been here only two days and have absorbed so much.  The electricity has gone off twice already and I don't really mind.  The simplicity is so refreshing.  Especially when it goes out at dinner/team time in the evenings.  There is something so intimate about 30 people sitting around tiny candles and holding flashlights to see what they are eating.  It's a fun part I will always remember.  

So this morning were the Widow visits in the villages.  I wasn't actually supposed to go on the widow visit because it was my duty to go to the market with Jon to buy supplies for the bags that would go to the hospital visit in the afternoon.  As we were loading up the Pajeros, Jamie (an advanced team member) offered to take my place with Jon at the market so that I could experience the widow visit as it was her favorite part in years past.  I was so appreciative.  This group really knows what it means to work as a team.  

We loaded up the Pajeros and were off to the village where several widows would be waiting for us. There were actually two villages to visit so our team split up to meet with them both at the same time.  When we arrived Pastor Eric asked me and two others to speak to the widows.  First there was a short panic and then immediately I knew what to share.  My "heart" verse Isaiah 41:10.  The Lord had given me that verse at a time in my life when I wasn't walking the path HE had laid out for me.  But in my own circumstance of loneliness and desperation I cried out to him and this verse was how he answered me.   Being with the widows was such a sweet moment.  Their bodies were plagued with pain after years of hard labor and to see them sitting there so welcoming of us was such a blessing to me.  After our talks we all handed out care bags with flour, sugar, oil, and rice to each widow and then prayed for their needs individually.   Thank you God for using Jamie to make sure I was in the place you wanted me at the time I needed to be there.  Those sweet people blessed me more than I could have imagined.

We had a quick second to recover before heading out to the Passion Center so we could regroup for the hospital visit that afternoon (uggh).  Jon and Jamie had returned with the supplies we needed to fill 150 care bags for the guardians of the children at the hospital.  We had to stuff all the bags in a hot second and the team did not disappoint.  We formed an assembly line in the Passion Center lunch room and before you knew it we were loaded up and heading to the hospital.  Several Passion kids were chosen to go along on the visit to pray and translate prayers for the sick children.  When we arrived we had to wait because the parents were feeding their little ones.  You see in Zomba the children are primarily cared for in the hospitals by their guardians (mom, grandmother, aunt, cousin) and sometimes wait weeks just to see a doctor.  While we were waiting we noticed a woman walking around the courtyard, where several were having lunch from the hospital, preaching the Word of God to any who would listen!  It was so cool!  

Then it was time....I didn't want to go in.  I wanted to turn and run, but I couldn't.  Once inside the ward I saw caregivers at the bedsides of their children just loving on them and doing anything they could to keep them comfortable.  And the reality of it all was more than I could have imagined.  I looked across the room and saw a team member sinking into himself to hide his sobs.  I know him and I knew he was seeing his own wife and prematurely born son on those beds, knowing that if God hadn't chosen them to be U.S. citizens that one or both of those sweet family members would not have made it.  A member of the Passion staff, Fatsani, shared the gospel inside the terminally ill ward and at the end he asked who would like to know Christ as their savior and over 1/2 of the guardians raised their hands.  Fatsani was on fire!  Can you imagine someone just walking up and down the halls of our own U.S. hospitals telling patients about the eternal healing our savior can provide?   I mean really, we could learn so much!

The "ward" was one big room lined with twin sized beds.  There were sometimes two or three patients sharing one bed, some on the floor all just waiting to be healed.  There just wasn't enough room for all the sick.  I just sobbed seeing children with 2nd & 3rd degree burns laying helplessly, and those with heads so full of fluid they couldn't sit up.  It was more than I could handle and I had to leave the room for a moment to get my emotions in check.  The last thing I wanted those sweet things to see was more sadness.  After Fatsani's message we took bags of supplies to the bedsides of patients and prayed with them.  I didn't have a translator with me, but the word "prayer" was universal, they knew what I was doing and to whom I was praying.  I chose to go to beds that held children close to the same age as my own Parker and Hallie.  It was heartbreaking because I could see my children there and I knew that if these children were in the U.S. they could be healed.  But that's not what God wanted me to do there, he wanted me to stand in the gap for these children.  The last bed I went to was a toddler whose pregnant mother grabbed her hands when I began to pray as if to say, "be still child, we are approaching the throne of grace."  And that's all I could do was to pray for God's mercy and grace for the children he created and strength for their families.  Death is such a normal part of life there, and it is here too, but the rawness of it in Zomba was so real and so painful.  

Team time tonight was a mesh of sobs and brokenness.  It was a sweet time for our team.  Doing the widow visit and hospital visit in one day was emotionally draining.  One was a group of people I hadn't planned on seeing and one was a group of people I didn't really want to see.  In the end God allowed me to be blessed by both opportunities as I saw their faces as He sees them~with love.


*Note these pictures are from others on our team.

Greeting the Widows

Sharing my heart verse

One of the widowed men bowed in prayer

The supply bags to hand out to the widows

Hospital Courtyard (where the woman was preaching)

A glimpse at the hospital